Gratefully yours
At the dawn of the another Thanksgiving Holiday, my mind drifts to the year past and my journey to a new city, a new job, a new life. Yesterday, I participated in a "diversity and inclusion" workshop, where the facilitator posed a reflective question: when did you last feel like you were different and excluded? My response was instinctive: the past year, because I am new to Chicago. (I even fibbed when I cited the example of its "sports clubs" - I meant sports teams of course - but sports and me is a whole other conversation about feeling excluded.)
As I think about this more, I realize that I've felt initially excluded each time I made a big physical move. First from the island to the city to go to college, then to the US to immigrate from the Philippines, and then in the US - moves related to work that made me move from corporate to not-for-profit, New Jersey to New York to Virginia and now Chicago.
Immigrating to the US and landing in New York was my first real immersion in differences. Everyone seemed to be different from me. Unconsciously, I found this to be so interesting and stimulating that even without making it intentional, it wasn't long before I had forged friendships with "different people" (race, color, religion, sexual orientation, political beliefs) who, to this day are among my dearest and closest friends. So our kids grew up in a household where we had "different" friends come and go.
My first realization of how much I have embraced differences and took this for granted was when I was offered a job located in Newport, CT. My family and I were now on the requisite family visit. The kids were only about 12 and 9 at that time, and one of them observed, "Mom, all the people are white". This gave me pause -- I have never seen it from that lens. I did not take the job for many other reasons - but since then, I began to appreciate what it meant to be a first generation "something-American".
Which leads me to why I am writing about being grateful. I am grateful to my kids - who have become my wonderful teachers - for sharing with me their lens. I am grateful to all the bosses who hired me in all the different work environments and gave me the opportunity to learn and discover new worlds. I am grateful for my "different" friends who stood by me and helped me seamlessly attach myself, and my family, to the new cultures we ended up in. They picked on my accent and wrong cultural connections (e.g. sports clubs), but were also genuinely curious and interested in what made me different. They also generously opened their homes and hearts to help me understand what made them different.
It goes without saying - but perhaps needs to be said, that this journey has not been entirely rose-colored. I can generate another list of personal encounters and experiences that showed the ugly face of discrimination and exclusion. From those I've learned a lot about how hurtful it can be, and have vowed never to behave or tolerate such.
But - on balance- what I discovered from living in this world of differences was this rich new world - a world that, beyond all the differences - was built around the universal values of love, respect, compassion and understanding. I am grateful for this. And grateful that I continue to have this opportunity.
I wish any one reading this a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday. Having not grown up with this tradition, I used to dismiss it - but, over the years, I've learned to deeply appreciate it. It is a holiday that unites all differences in America and gives us the opportunity to simply be grateful for the basic and universal gifts of family and togetherness. And that's a lot to be grateful for.
