A Journey to Friendship
Call it a whim, but I decided to spend 15 days to visit our daughter living in Madrid, and wrap the visit around a three city hop: San Sebastián, Barcelona and Valencia. We were both feeling out of sorts, and I thought the trip could do us both good. No major expectations or plans -- just time to be together, "hang out" and "chill". After all, it is August, and each city offers beaches: San Sebastian on the Atlantic; Barcelona and Valencia on the Mediterranean. She needed to get out of Madrid. I simply needed to get away. We were both leery of the prospect of this prolonged time of "togetherness" . Although we genuinely love and like each other, we've been known to push each other's buttons-- proverbial mother-daughter stuff. We have 28 years of history behind this. My husband, her father, warned me, "just don't call me when you fight"; and when my daughter commented to her brother, our son, " you know I haven't spent this long of alone time with mom", he responded, "you know you're gonna fight". A friend of mine suggested, "leave your buttons home".
Trusting that the three city hop would offer sufficient diversions, yet, cautious about who will push whose buttons first, we proceed anyway. Arriving at the Madrid airport, I spot her and she beams and tears roll down her cheeks. We hug, and I ask her what's the matter? She said it's tears of joy. I am touched, but wondered, how long before her joy turns to annoyance (at me)?
The next twelve days turned out to be a 24x 7 whirlwind of adventure and togetherness. Rest and reflection, musings and dreams, laughter and tears. Getting to know each other in the here and now kind of way. Mother and daughter, two girls, two women. We found ourselves trusting the process and succumbing to the journey. Every day turned out to be a day of discovery-- of the places we were visiting and of ourselves. We joyfully found out how much we had in common, and embraced our differences. She made me coffee in the mornings and brought me my cold glass of water at bedtime. We talked about life and love, changes and transitions, dreams and realities. I shared more life lessons, perspectives of a woman wiser for my years. We acted as tourists, visited the beaches, walked (a lot!) and took "selfies". I show her how to compose a picture, and she laughs. She shows me how to navigate the Spanish metro and I laugh.
On our last night together, back in her apartment in Madrid, we both couldn't sleep and unknowingly wrote a heart-felt note to each other. We couldn't have predicted the outcome of this whim of a trip. Yes, we had a good time seeing the places, eating the food and drinking the wine. But this falls short of the pleasure we got out from each other's company, including the times when we would just walk or sit and be completely silent, perfectly content with simply being together.
In the end, I think we were present with and for each other in a way that I don't recall we have been to each other. Two grown women, mother and daughter, who have truly become friends.
